Because of its multi-national readership and the ever changing meaning of words, Number Watch offers this simple vocabulary as an aid to understanding. Words will be added from time to time as necessity dictates.

Aid (international) Taking money from poor people in rich countries and giving it to rich people in poor countries
Adjustment Routine alteration of measurement data to conform with the theory


The second most evil substance in human history

Alcoholic Someone who drinks more than you
Begging the question See Petitio principii
BMA Bloody Mendacious and Arrogant
BMI Bogus Measurement Index
Botulinus toxin A benign substance  injected into the faces of toxiphobiac Californian women
Bureaucrat One who designs hoops for others to jump through
California (c.f. Schizophrenia) State of Insanity involving divorce from reality
Cancer Serious disease solely caused by a politically incorrect lifestyle
Carbon Once the basis of life on earth. Now Original Sin.
Carbon dioxide The third most deadly substance in human history
Caruba Venomous snake inclined to sink its fangs into the buttocks of asses
Circular argument See Begging the question
Climate Weather
Climate change HIWTYL (q.v.) version of Global Warming
Coma A mental state between daytime TV and death 
Computer model Automated fantasy


An almost extinct species (c.f. coelacanth)


One blind to the advantages of destructive revolution

Conservative principle, The If it ain't broke don't fix it
coursework That part of a pupil's work done by parents, teachers and friends


A visual defect caused by the intrusion of reality

DAISNAID (political) Do as I say, not as I do.
DEFRA MAFF (The name has been changed to protect the guilty)
Degree Certificate of attendance 
Democracy Oppression of  the majority by the largest minority
Denier (climate) One who maintains that what did not happen did not happen
Depression A heightened sense of reality
Earth summit The high point to which hot air rises
Economist One with a ready explanation as to why his last prediction was so wrong
Education Indoctrination


A mechanism by which media moguls select governments

Environment A conceptual basis for taxation and coercion
Environmentalism Institutionalised misanthropy
EPA Bypass operation to cure the disease of democracy


One who knows that A causes B (where A is nice and B nasty)

Establishment  Yesterday's rebels


Your beliefs, as opposed to mine


Matter that is deadly except in the most unpalatable forms

Glacier A dead river
Fumento (music) play with fiery indignation following a discordant movement

Global Warming

Grim fairy tale for grown-ups


A bloody mess associated with horror stories


Originally just naÔve, now one with nostalgia for the Stone Age

Green jobs Yet more ways of living off the taxpayer
Greenpeace Red war for the colour blind
Gummer One who gums (i.e. meaches, q.v., but for profit)
Hansen (verb) Promiscuously tamper with data to the point of their becoming meaningless
Heorshe A debased argot used among the politically correct
HYCAEI Having your cake and eating it
History Lies told by victors
HIWTYL Heads I win, tails you lose


Hazard from which the populace are protected by a waiting list

Humanity Temporary infestation on the skin of a minor planet of a minor star of a minor galaxy
Investment Pre-election spending spree
Kyoto A form of ritual economic suicide, originating from Japan
Law The chief means by which the rich and powerful oppress the poor and powerless


A sorcerer who can conjure money out of nothing

Liberal Authoritarian socialist (USA), woolly-minded opportunist (UK)
Life A sexually transmitted disease, inevitably fatal
MAFF Compound word, from mass and muff (see DEFRA)
Man Suspected rapist or paedophile


Mass hysteria used as a guide to government 

Meacher (from verb to meach) One given to dark, wild delusions of horrors yet to come


Voodoo with Latin

MET One of two entirely separate British jokes
Meta Analysis Making a strong chain by combining weak links


From meta (= beyond) and study (= con)

Milloy Unit of  junk (threshold of unacceptability) one thousandth of an Oy!

Mobile phone

Deadly instrument that mysteriously failed to kill its billions of users


Mindless change

New Labour

Socialism that recognises its paymasters

Obesity A vile crime that still goes unpunished because of lax laws

Old Labour

New Labour nullified by honesty

Opinion poll Method of measuring the effectiveness of propaganda
Optimist One who receives only unpleasant surprises
Organic Over-priced
Organic Farming Cultivation using only impure chemicals
Paradox A politically incorrect result of observation
Peer review Once quality control, now censorship by a coterie
Pessimist One who never receives unpleasant surprises
Petitio principii See Circular argument
Phenology Highly selective wishful thinking as a substitute for direct measurement
Physics An outmoded system of belief


One with a permanent smile on both his faces

Precautionary principle The death of the human spirit
Pro bono publico For good publicity


A travelling salesman

Proportional representation Oppression of the majority by the smallest minority
Prudence Post-election tax increases and spending cuts
PUTLIAR (political) Pull up the ladder. I'm all right
Recession Economic downturn entirely due to external factors
Recovery Economic upturn entirely due to government action
Renewable (energy) intermittent, unreliable and costly
Research Manufacture of data to support government prejudice


Sacrificial animal in the cult of epidemiology

Salt The fourth most deadly substance known to mankind


Fictional employment for journalists, lawyers, bureaucrats etc.

Scarecrow Press release by an epidemiologist


A pathological genetic deficiency of credulity


A left-over from the age of reason (pre 1982)




One who knows whatís best for everyone else

Sugar The fifth most deadly substance known to mankind
Sustainable  (development) Building an environmental paradise on millions of African corpses


One who knows whatís best for everyone else


The most evil and poisonous substance in the history of mankind

Toynbee An egregious failure of logic. Constant repetition is known as a polytoynbee
Trial The bamboozling of naÔve jurors by smart lawyers
Tweet Measure of text length. The limit of the modern attention span.


Factory for social engineering

WIDIMITWEED What I do is more important than what everyone else does
Wind turbine A white elephant surrounded by dead birds